


The Brothers Williams

by kho



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 20:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5839339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kho/pseuds/kho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Eric was 3 he had a serious case of hero worship for his Uncle Danny and Uncle Matty. Every weekend they’d come over and his Mom would grin and laugh as he’d launch himself off of his seat and tackle whichever one walked through the door first.</p><p>- Set in season 6 though no specific spoilers for season 6.  Spoilers for season 5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Brothers Williams

Danny rubs his face as the couch dips. “Sorry, I thought I kept it quiet enough,” he says, looking over at Eric. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Hey man, that’s okay, it’s your house” Eric says, hands spreading wide. “Wanna talk?”

“Can’t sleep,” Danny says, glaring at the infomercial on the tv screen.

“Yeah,” Eric says, staring at his profile. “Seems like you’re having that problem a lot lately.”

Danny smiles, exhausted, and leans his head back and closes his eyes. “Yeah. Insomnia.”

“Nightmares,” Eric asks gently, pulling his legs up onto the couch.

Danny doesn’t open his eyes, just frowns. “Sometimes. Sometimes just can’t even get to sleep to begin with.”

“Been that way since I got here,” Eric says. “Been that way a while huh?”

Danny nods.

“Been that way since Uncle Matty, huh?”

At that Danny opens his eyes and turns to look at him. “What?”

+

When Eric was 3 he had a serious case of hero worship for his Uncle Danny and Uncle Matty. Every weekend they’d come over and his Mom would grin and laugh as he’d launch himself off of his seat and tackle whichever one walked through the door first.

“Unca D,” he yelled and Danny picked him up and spun him around in circles while Eric yelled weeee at the top of his lungs.

Matt picked him up on to his shoulders, and then pretended he forgot where he went. “D, have you see E,” Matt asked, hands hanging onto Eric’s little ankles as he spun around in a circle, looking around wildly. “I just can’t find him! Where oh where could he have gone.”

Danny grinned hugely and made the international sign for shh with a finger to his lips as he winked at Eric. “Dunno Matty, maybe he went outside?”

Matt ran to the doors and burst outside screaming “Eric! Eric!” Then he ran circles in the yard, zigging and zagging back and forth while Danny sat on the stoop and watched while laughing. It’s something he always did when they came.

“Whaddya say, Little E,” Stella said, ruffling his hair after they were all tired out and Matt was sitting crosslegged on the floor watching a football game while Danny went to work fixing whatever thing was falling apart in her house. “Got the best Uncles in the world huh?”

And he nodded and nodded and nodded, until Matt grabbed him and turned him ankles over head and attacked him with the tickle monster until his stomach hurt from laughing too hard.

Eric doesn’t recall all of this on his own, he was three, but every once in a while he’ll ask Stella to remind him and he loves the way it puts a smile on her face every time. Very few things that have anything to do with Matt do that anymore.

+

Eric looks away and shrugs. “You talk sometimes. When you’re sleeping. I can hear you sometimes,” he says, flickering a glance back at Danny. “Sounded kind of awful tonight. I was gonna wake you up but you woke yourself up before I got a chance to.”

Danny sighs loudly and rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, it… It got better for a while but I guess it’s getting bad again.”

“It’ll be a year next month,” Eric says softly. “Maybe that’s why.”

“Yeah,” Danny says, sighing again and then smiling at Eric and patting him on the leg. “Listen, I’m sorry for waking you up. I’ll try better.”

“Hey, Uncle D,” Eric says before Danny stands up. “You ever talk to anyone?”

Danny frowns at him. “What?”

“About Uncle Matty,” Eric says. “You ever tell anyone what really happened?”

Danny freezes, his breath catching. “What, you mean like my Ma? I’m not gonna burden her with me being sad, he was her son.”

“No, D,” Eric says. “I mean about what _really happened_ ,” he says, meeting him in the eyes.

+

Eric remembers going to the boardwalk with Matt and Danny when he was seven and Aerosmith’s Ragdoll was playing and he remembers pulling on Matt’s shirt.

“Uncle Matt! I want that poster,” he said, pointing to a poster of Nirvana.

Matt handed the attendant five bucks and handed Eric the gun and set him up. “Allright, E Train," he said. “You look through that, and you point this thing where you want it to hit, which in this case is that big red dot in the middle, and then you squeeze this, okay?”

“I’m not a baby,” he said. “I know how to shoot.”

“All right big guy,” Matt said, holding his hands up. “Let ‘er rip then!”

Eric aimed and squeezed, and didn’t at all get anywhere near the target. “Aw man.”

“That was awesome, buddy,” Danny said, putting a hand on the gun and shifting it to the left and down. “Good first try! Try again.”

Eric squeezed the trigger again and hit the target, just not in the red dot. “Closer!”

“Yeah, little bit,” Matt said, giving him a high five. “Two more shots!”

Danny adjusted the gun again and grinned over at them, pulling slowly on his beer as he looked out over the crowd. “For girls,” Matt had told Eric once when he asked Matt what Danny was always looking for. “He’s looking for a nice new friend to get right with… I mean be friends with.”

He hit the red dot straight in the center with the next two shots and Matt picked him up and spun him around in a circle and when he sat him down Danny lifted Eric’s arms up in the air and said, “That’s right, my nephew everybody!”

The guy tried to hand him an Alanis Morissette poster instead and when Matt corrected him he’d snidely shrugged his shoulders and said “You take what you get.”

Matt caught Danny’s eyes and they’d laughed, and then Matt reached over to grab the guy by his collar and haul him over the counter. “You give him the Nirvana like he wants or I pummel you.”

“Hey, hey, Matty,” Danny said, prying Matt’s fingers off of the guys shirt. “Not like this, not in front of Eric. Take him over there,” he said, hooking a thumb behind him.

Matt took Eric over to get funnel cakes but Eric had turned to watch Danny put his hand on the guys shoulder and the guy cower and cringe and then toss over the Nirvana poster when Danny finally let him go.

“Nice job, bro,” Matt said, slurping on the coke he’d gotten for them all to share. “How’d you manage to do that without breaking his face?”

“I just reminded ol’ Tommy I used to date his sister,” Danny said, and then reached over to steal from Eric’s funnel cake, pulling a funny face when Eric protested. “And that we’d be leaving here shortly to take Eric home and didn’t have other plans unless he wanted to find out if I remembered where he lived.”

“Thanks Uncle D,” Eric said, clutching the poster to his chest. “I love Nirvana.”

“You got it buddy,” Danny said, and they made their way to the next booth that caught Eric’s attention.

Eric still has that poster in its original wrapping, in his old room back in Jersey.

+

Danny’s eyes search his, panicked, heartbroken, and Eric wonders if he’s pushing too much or just enough. “Eric.”

“I know man,” Eric says, flicking his eyes to the floor because he doesn’t want to cry and if he has to look into Danny’s eyes he will.

“You know what,” Danny hisses, and it sounds like he wants to punch Eric, like he’s angry, except Eric knows Danny well enough to know that to him, anger is just easier than breaking.

“I looked it up last week, on the national database,” Eric says. “I am a forensic lab technician these days, so ya know. You kept having these nightmares and saying his name,” Eric says finally. “I know, D.”

“Fuck.”

Eric risks a glance at Danny and his heart aches to see him covering his face with both hands, hunched in on himself. “You haven’t have you? You didn’t tell anyone. You’ve just kept it to yourself.”

“Jesus fuck, Eric.”

“I get it, ya know,” Eric says, scooting closer to him and pressing his shoulder against Danny’s. Just to let him know he’s there. Show some kind of solidarity. “I mean. I get why you didn’t tell anyone. I wish I didn’t know. Hadn’t seen--”

“Seen,” Danny groans, bending over and hanging his head between his knees. “Jesus Christ Eric, you saw?”

“I told you, I looked on the database. Max took photos to document it.”

Danny finally sat up and looked at him, horrified, bereft, gutted. And Eric got that too. “Why the fuck would you look at them?”

“He was my fucking uncle man,” Eric says, putting a hand to his heart. “You think I could not?”

+

When Eric turned ten he started becoming a little bit of a punk to his Mom, pulling attitude on her and talking back to her. He was angry about not having a dad, angry that his Mom always had to be at work, and even more than that, he was angry at just about he whole world because everyone else had a dad but him.

“Eric, god damnit,” his Mom yelled for the third time, “I said get in here!”

“What do you want,” he yelled, slamming his hand on the door frame. “Just shut up about it already, huh?”

“Hey,” Danny said out of nowhere, Eric never having known he’d gotten there. “You watch your tone with your mother.”

Eric rolled his eyes. “You called Uncle D? God, Ma, it was just a car!”

“Just a car,” she yelled. “Eric you scratched Mr. Pasanora’s car from head to ass with your bike! He saw you do it!”

“Sit,” Danny said, pointing to a chair, kicking it out. Eric huffed but sat.

“He had it coming,” Eric said, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Eric.”

“No, Ma,” Eric yelled, slamming his hands against the table again. “He did, he’s an asshole!”

“Language,” Danny snapped.

Eric rolled his eyes. “You don’t know Uncle D, do you know what he said to me?”

“It doesn’t matter what he said, Eric,” Stella said.

“Then it doesn’t matter what _you_ say,” Eric yelled at her.

Danny was across the room with his hand around the back of Eric’s neck in a crushing hold and another hand yanked his head back by his hair until Eric grunted in pain. “What did I tell you about your tone with your mother? I will end you.”

“Okay,” Eric said.

“What,” Danny had gritted out.

“Okay. Sorry!”

Danny let him go then and sat down next to him and turned the chair to face him. “Now. What happened.”

Eric looked at the table. “He said--”

“Look at me when I’m talking to you,” Danny said.

Eric sighed and looked up at him. “Uncle D, he’s a jerk.”

Danny nods. “Okay, lets say he is. That doesn’t excuse you vandalizing his property.”

“But he said--”

His Mom leaned forward and grabbed his shoulder. “It doesn’t matter what--”

“Stella, it clearly does,” Danny said, gentler than anything he’d said directed at Eric. “Eric. Come on, man. Explain to me why this doesn’t mean you’re turning into a punk kid whose ass I need to kick.”

“He said I was a dumb fuck just like Ma and no wonder Pop left us before I was born,” Eric said, and hated himself as the tears came to his eyes. His mom’s gasp behind him didn’t help the tears stop.

“Baby,” his mom started.

“Stel,” Danny said, putting a hand on Eric’s shoulder. “Hey, Eric, listen man. I’m sorry he said that okay? You know it’s not true right? Your Pop was a coward, he left because he’s a coward, nothing you or your Ma ever did, got it?”

Eric shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe.”

Danny wiped his tears away and then smacked him on the cheek lightly. “Listen, Eric. Listen to me. It sucks he said that, okay? He’s an asshole, you’re right.” He raised an eyebrow. “But you know what you say when someone else is an asshole?”

“Fuck you?”

His mom stuttered out a protest but Danny actually laughed. “No, babe, what you say if you wanna really piss them off is ‘yes sir, thank you sir.’ Okay? You say ‘and you have a good day too’. Because it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says, because you’re better than that, right?”

“I say thank you,” Eric asked, thoroughly confused. “Why would I--”

“Because it will piss them off,” Danny said, squeezing Eric’s shoulder. “And here’s the trick. You say thank you, but what you mean is fuck you, got it? You don’t _say_ fuck you, but you think it. You think it real hard, and you grin because you’re in on the joke and they’re not.”

“Danny, maybe don’t encourage my 10 year old son to think fuck you quite so much?”

Danny grinned and tapped on Eric’s knee. “We already know he’s thinking it, sis. I’m just letting him know it’s better to not say it.”

Over the years Eric’s tweaked it and made it his own, usually throwing in a wink and a “Love you too pal” just to see them get all flustered. He’s not always managed to follow that advice when someone’s said something awful and horrible to him, but more often than not he does.

Sometimes he just can’t help himself, though, and he’ll clock ‘em just once with a hard right hook. That’s okay though, he knows Danny’s done the same damn thing. In fact, he knows that even though Danny had paid for the repair of the scratch on Mr. Pasanora’s car, first he’d hit him in the nose hard enough to make him bleed for fifteen minutes.

+

“I should have thought of that. I should have had Fong rename it. Hide it somehow,” Danny says, turning to face Eric more squarely. He lifts his hand, shaking, to clasp onto Eric’s shoulder. “I’m so fucking sorry, babe. I wish you hadn’t seen it.”

“No, no one should have to see their family like that,” Eric says, but then shakes his head. “But, I’m also glad I did, because now you’re not alone man. I can’t imagine keeping that to myself this long.”

“I never wanted any of you to know,” Danny whispers, mouth trembling slightly. He won’t meet Eric’s eyes, instead stares at the wall to the right of him, but his hand is warm and comforting and steady on Eric’s shoulder. “It’s not… you can’t ever forget something like that. It… stays.”

“But in the meantime, you’re stuck in it by yourself,” Eric says, jostling him to get him to look at him. “That ain’t right either. I mean I know you got your team, especially Steve. I’ve seen how close you guys are, so I’m glad you have him, but he’s not family man. He didn’t know Uncle Matty like we do. It ain’t the same.”

“Huh,” Danny says, and then he laughs a little hollowly. “Nice insight there, E.”

Eric tilts his head, confused. “What?”

“I’ve been… kind of distant, kind of holding myself apart from everyone,” Danny says, again not looking at him. “Kind of especially Steve. Maybe that’s exactly why. Because they didn’t know him.”

“And they’ll judge him?”

Danny shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t think they’d mean to.”

Eric nods. “It’s just not the same. You and me, we know the good, the bad, the awesome, the ugly,” he says. “They just know him as the guy that stole money and got himself killed.”

Danny hung his head. “They’re better people than that, Eric.”

“I know that, man, I love your friends D,” Eric says, jarring him with his leg. “Don’t be ridiculous. I just mean. They didn’t know him like we did.”

+

When Eric was sixteen he threw a kegger at Matt’s house on a Saturday night. It was loud, it was raucous, and Matt was front and center in it. The boys outnumbered the girls three to one and Eric was wearing Susan Giakami’s bathing suit top on his head as a hat when Danny showed up looking ten kinds of pissed and bee lined it for Eric.

“Oh fuck, abort, abort,” Eric yelled to his friend Kevin, who was two feet away smoking a joint. “Dude, my uncle just showed up!”

“Your uncle’s been here, dude, he was smoking with Tony,” Kevin said, and then his face had gone ghost white and he literally swallowed the joint that had been dangling from his lips. “Oh. Uh. Hey D.”

“Don’t hey D me, ya putz, are you kidding me,” Danny said, glaring at Eric with his hands on his hips. “You wanna tell your friends to get the hell outta here or you want me to start pulling out my badge?”

Eric turned around, raising his arms. “Hey! Hey, it’s over, go home!”

A few people had gathered their stuff to leave but by and large nobody paid any attention. Danny shook his head and pulled out his badge. Five minutes later, Matt’s house was empty.

Danny grabbed Eric by the neck and shoved him in the house, down the hallway to the den, and then onto the couch next to Matt, who was grinning up at them absolutely unperturbed. “Hey bro.”

Danny glared the heat of a thousand fiery suns at Matt. “Matt, what the fuck are you thinking?”

Matt looked over at Eric and giggled. “I was thinking, hey! Party!”

Danny sunk into the opposite couch’s cushions and hung his head in his hands. “Imbeciles, my entire family is made up of imbeciles, unbelievable, it’s just, I don’t even, how can they, what?”

“Uh, bro?” Matt leaned forward and tapped Danny on the leg. “You’re super stressed, you want some pot?” Danny had looked up and glared at Matt, reached up and swatted the joint away from his face. Matt frowned as it landed on the carpet. “Dude, stomp that shit out, this is saxony carpet.”

“I’m gonna stomp _you_ out,” Danny grumbled, but he reached over to pluck the joint off the carpet, stomping on the carpet to make sure no embers remained. Still glaring at Eric and Matt he stamped out the joint into the ashtray and leaned forward. “Someone explain to me how the fuck my brother is hosting a fucking kegger for my sixteen year old nephew.”

“Uh,” Eric said. “Well, I asked Uncle Matty if he could get us a keg and he said only if we had it here.”

Danny reached over and plucked the bathing suit top off of his head, and then smacked him with it. “And what, pray tell, made you think it was okay to ask your uncle to get you a keg?”

“Bro, it’s not a big deal, alright,” Matt said, rolling his eyes and kicking his feet upon the table, looking bored and annoyed. “It’s a couple a teenagers blowing off some steam in a controlled, safe environment. Plus, I got a pool.”

“Yes, so nothing at all is wrong with that scenario,” Danny said, nodding. “Bunch of drunk teenagers and a big honking pool in the middle of them, really brilliant, Matty.”

Matt rolled his head against the back of the couch. “You used to be fun man.”

“Oh I’m sorry,” Danny yelled, his hands flailing out. “I just think maybe it’s not the best idea for my brother to be contributing to the delinquency of a minor and all of his friends, girls included, do you realize I could— and should— arrest you for this!”

Matt rolled his eyes. “Please.”

“I didn’t drink that much Uncle D,” Eric said. “Honest. I only had three beers and I didn’t smoke any pot.”

“Stop,” Danny said, covering his face with his hands. “Just shut up. Shut your mouth.”

“D,” Matt said, grabbing Danny by the shoulders and shaking him. “Seriously, big bro, lighten the hell up. We were getting fucked up at his age, I was just making sure he did it in a safe place!”

“Yeah, Uncle D, he said he’d only buy it for me if we came here,” Eric interjected, and then shut his mouth quickly when Matt glared at him.

“You got a noise complaint,” Danny said through gritted teeth. “Do you know what would have happened if it hadn’t been Jeter who answered the call and recognized your address? Three squad cars woulda shown up and you would have been carted off the jail. Do you understand that this is serious, Matty? This is not a fucking joke.”

Matt jostled Danny some more. “But that’s okay, man, cuz Jeter loves me and nothing bad happened okay? Next time I’ll make sure they’re quieter.”

Danny growled. “Next time?!”

Matt cracked up laughing and Eric followed suit. Despite himself, Danny followed suit shortly after.

That’s how it always went with Matt. He was made of teflon. He kept doing stuff and getting the book thrown at him but nothing ever stuck. Nothing ever penetrated. He just grinned and laughed it off and cracked wise and there was something about him that made you forget there were legit reasons to be upset and nine times out of ten you wound up laughing with him.

+

Danny smiles. “Thing is, they would have loved him. They would have loved him so much. Carefree, funny, fun.”

Eric grins. “Knew how to get you to lighten up.”

Danny laughs, nodding. “At least Steve got to see that side before the shit went down.”

“Do you know that you never talk about him,” Eric asks quietly, raising an eyebrow. “Not ever?”

Danny rubs a hand over his face. “It’s just too… it’s hard, Eric.”

“I know but don’t you think if you ripped the bandaid off it’d be easier,” Eric asked. “Maybe it wouldn’t be this thing that ripped your guts out anymore?”

“I feel like,” Danny says, again staring at the floor, the wall, anything but looking at Eric. “If I… I think about him every day. I miss him.”

Eric feels his eyes fill with tears because he’s not used to hearing Danny’s voice pinched like that, hearing it thick with emotion. He’s used to Danny laughing, annoyed, pissed. He’s not used to Danny sounding like he’s lost and lonely and broken. “Me too.”

“Don’t you dare lose it, Eric,” Danny says, hand tightening on Eric’s shoulder.

“But that’s bullshit, Uncle D,” Eric says, glaring at Danny until Danny meets his eyes. “We’re family, if we can’t lose our shit in front of family then what the fuck good are we?”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Danny says, jostling his shoulder. “Cry if you need to.”

“No you ass, I’m saying that for you too,” Eric yells, swatting Danny in the stomach. “Stop being a rock and ignoring shit. God, no wonder you have nightmares a year after, you gotta let shit go sometimes man.”

Danny’s mouth quirks on a half smile. “Did you just call me an ass? And since when is it okay for you to curse so much?”

Eric rolls his eyes. “D, come on.”

“I know, I just. I cope through sarcasm, not something I can help,” Danny says, sighing and scrubbing at his face again. “I don’t know, Eric, it’s just a lot. It’s. A lot.”

+

When Eric was eighteen he got his heart broken by the first girl he ever had sex with. Her name was Michaela and she was for sure the most gorgeous girl Eric was ever going to get and she’d slept with him in her father’s study on Wednesday and told him on Thursday that it was ‘fine’ but she was ready for ‘a real man.’

“Women,” Matt said, slinging an arm around Eric’s shoulder and hugging him to his side. “They’ll do that man.”

“I just. I was gonna marry her, man,” Eric said, crossing his arms across his chest. “We was gonna have gorgeous babies.”

“Marry,” Danny said, snorting. “Buddy, you dated for what, a week?”

“But she was so fucking _pretty_ ,” Eric whined. “It was totally a love at first sight kinda thing. We were gonna have two boys and girl. I was gonna name her Valerie.”

“Don’t get bitter, Daniel,” Matt said, his voice light but his eyes serious when Eric looked over at him. Danny looked chagrined. “Not everyone’s Rachel.”

“Yeah but he’s right,” Eric said, pointing at Danny. “He and Aunt Rach were married for fucking ever and then look, she left his ass!”

“Listen, it’s more complicated…” Danny rolled his head around and cracked his neck. “She didn’t just leave my ass, ya punk, ok, it was.” He shrugged. “Fuck it, yeah, fine, she left my ass. Women suck. They can bite me.”

“Okay, okay,” Matt said, holding up his hands. “Listen, you two sacks, none of this. No more, you hear me!” He stood up and started walking towards the kitchen. “We’re gonna get drunk and watch UFC and tell inappropriate stories to Eric about all the girls you used to bang back in the day before you were all uptight--”

Danny laughed and covered his face. “Alright, listen, I wasn’t that bad.”

“Inappropriate,” Matt said, pointing a finger at Danny as he walked back in with three beers. “Like that time you fucked Tara at the boardwalk.”

“Matty!”

Eric laughed. “Seriously, bro, at the boardwalk? What, like, on the beach?”

Danny raised his hands and his cheeks turned just the slightest shade of crimson. “Okay, it was pitch black and I put one of those umbrellas over us so no one could see.”

“Yeah,” Matt said, snorting. “But we could all _hear_.”

“Matty come on,” Danny whined, but then he started cracking up laughing because the look on Eric’s face was completely priceless. “Okay, Eric, you do not do the things your uncle and I talk about, okay? You’re going to learn from our lessons.”

“Like maybe fucking on the beach isn’t the best idea because you rubbed your dick raw from the sand for days,” Matt said, clinking his beer to Eric’s.

“You’re such an ass,” Danny said, but the glare is lost under all the mirth.

“Also, don’t bang a chick when her boyfriend is on the same beach.”

Danny threw his hands out. “Okay, Tara deserved better than that jackal Seth, and anyway, I didn’t even have to try hard to kick that guys ass.” He pointed to Eric. “Not that you should be kicking anyone’s ass or stealing their girlfriend.

“Oh of course not,” Eric said, grinning widely and downing half his beer. “Can I have another?”

Danny frowned and looked at Matt. “18’s old enough yeah?”

“I don’t know, you’re the cop,” Matt said, shrugging and laughing.

Danny stood up and walked into the kitchen and brought the remainder of the 6 pack into the living room. “You can have four, okay? Tipsy but not shitty! And you’re staying here, not driving, gimme your keys.”

“Okay,” Eric said gleefully, grabbing another and tossing Danny his keys. “So tell me another inappropriate story. What shenanigans did you get up to, Uncle Matty.”

“I am a perfect gentleman,” Matt said with a hand to his chest.

“Ha,” Danny said, opening his second beer as well and swinging his feet up onto the coffee table. “Tell that to Sarah Matthews.”

“That was not my fault,” Matt said.

Danny almost spewed beer. “You fucked her sister, Matty!”

“It was late! I was drunk! They both have blonde hair!”

“Bro,” Eric said, shaking his head. “That’s not at all cool!”

They’d laughed until two in the morning, and that night was one of Eric’s favorite memories of Matt. Danny too, for that matter.

+

“It’s my fault,” Danny says finally, arms squeezed tightly around his chest. “I let him. I let him get away. I was stupid. I could’ve stopped him.”

“That’s crap, Uncle D.”

Danny shakes his head, hugging himself even tighter. “No, it’s not crap Eric, I lied to the feds. I knew where he was going and I purposefully mislead them.” He smiles slightly. “Or well, let Steve lie to them. I was just gonna remain silent.”

Eric motioned with his hand. “Yeah, so? That’s what you do for family.”

“No.” Danny shook his head and looked at him. “No Eric, that’s not what you do. I knew better. That’s not what you do.”

“You’re not being very fair to yourself.”

“Yeah, well, my baby brother’s dead. Maybe fair ain’t part of this equation.” Danny sighs and reaches up to scrub his face. “The simple fact of the matter is, I don’t let him get on that plane and he’s sitting in a jail cell hating me for putting him there instead of dead in a fucking metal barrel.”

Eric takes a deep breath because he knows, he does, but still. “Fucking hell.”

“Sorry, man,” Danny says, reaching out to squeeze his arm. “Listen, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be unloading this on you.”

“Would you stop already, I’m family,” Eric says, knocking his knee into Danny’s leg. “Maybe I’m exactly who you should be unloading on.”

Danny shakes his head. “Nah, this isn’t right, you’re only 26, you’re not supposed to be taking care of me I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”

Eric frowns at him and decides arguing the point isn’t going to get him anywhere so he ignores it. “You know how much I love you and Uncle Matty right? That I’ve always kind of worshipped you guys?”

A half smile quirks on Danny’s face. “Well there’s no accounting for taste.”

“So keep that in mind when I say this, right? Because I love Uncle Matty, but he was a dumb shit sometimes.” Danny jerks his head to look at him. “Uncle Matt had a tendency to get himself in shit, and leave you to get him out of it.” Eric laughed. “Not that I’m judging, I’m the same brand of dumb shit. But hell, even at bars, Matty would start shit with someone and then walk away while you wound up pounding the dude’s brains in. He was the best guy, and I love him, but yeah. He was good at getting himself in shit but not so good at getting himself out of it.”

Danny’s half grin turned full. “Yeah, he always did have a mouth on him. Mouth always going 100 miles an hour.”

“Brain going 50,” Eric finishes. “Ma always said that.”

Danny watches him for a moment. “I see what you’re doing. And I appreciate it. I’m not saying Matt didn’t make his own messes, but that doesn’t change the fact that I fucked up too. That I handled it wrong.”

“Well, if your Mom and Dad hadn’t ever had him, this wouldn’t a happened,” Eric says, shrugging. “And if my Ma hadn’t bailed him out of jail five different times, this wouldn’t a happened.”

“Eric.”

Eric gives him that patented Williams you-picking-up-what-I’m-putting-down look. “So is it your ma’s fault too? Your dad’s? My ma’s?”

Danny shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Of course not, no.”

“Then shut up. Like I said, blaming yourself? It’s crap, Uncle D.”

+

Danny moved to Hawaii when Eric was twenty.

“It’s not fair,” Eric said, crossing his arms. “Why does she get to make all the calls?”

“Come on, don’t make it harder,” Danny said, and opened his arms for a hug. Danny always hugged with 100% of himself, and no matter how old Eric was he always felt like he was five again. “It’s not that bad, besides just think if you ever come visit me the scenery will be amazing.”

“He means girls,” Matt said, slinging an arm around Eric’s shoulder when they broke apart. “By scenery, he means chicks. Girls, with boobs, and hair, and tans, and boobs, and legs for days.”

Danny laughed. “Also. Boobs.”

“Did I forget boobs?” Matt had turned to face Eric, putting his hands on Eric’s shoulders. “There will be boobs. Tatas.”

Eric had just ignored them, still frowning at Danny. “I’m gonna miss you man.”

“Nah,” Danny said, waving a hand. “I’m an old stick in the mud grump.”

“Besides, ya still got me, E Train,” Matt had said, bumping his shoulder against Erics a few times until Eric finally laughed. “I’m the fun one anyway.”

“Oh God help me,” Stella had said, hugging her arms around her body and looking heavenward. “Danny, we’re not going to survive with these two around without you to keep ‘em in line.”

Danny had laughed and hugged her, kissing her on the cheek. “I’m just a phone call away. Don’t think I won’t fly back here just to kick their collective asses.”

“Alright, enough maudlin crap,” Matt said, bending down to pick up Danny’s travel bag. “I’m taking you to the airport, come on, it’s time for you to scram.”

“Just push me out why don’t you,” Danny griped, glaring at Matt. “I’m so touched by how you can’t wait for me to leave.”

“That’s right, hop to,” Matt said, giving Stella and Eric a wink as he started backing his way to the car. “Come on slow poke!”

Danny hugged them both one more time and then turned around and ran to the car, yelling at Matt as Matt took off down the road just as he was trying to open the door. “Jackass!”

Eric and Stella laughed and laughed.

+

Danny nods a little and then his mouth twists on something and it looks for a second he’s going to puke. Instead he takes a deep breath and looks Eric in the eye. “So, uh, tell me. What the fuck do I do with the fact that if he was in jail where I shoulda put him, he’d be alive, huh? What do I do with that? Because that’s a truth, Eric. That’s not up for debate, that’s not a question, that’s not an if.”

Danny blinks and a tear falls, followed by another, and his mouth is this horrible crooked line of heartache and Eric feels like the walls are closing in. “Huh? What do I do with that, I’m really asking. How do I live with that?”

“I don’t know man,” Eric says, reaching out to wrap his fingers around Danny’s bicep. Because he doesn’t know how to fix it or what to say, but he needs Danny to know he’s there. “You just do?”

“Yeah,” Danny says on a laugh, letting his head fall back onto the couch and closing his eyes. “That really is the only answer isn’t it?”

“I wish I had a better one,” Eric says, letting his hand fall back to his lap.

“I’m trying,” Danny says, soft enough that Eric almost can’t hear him. “I’m _trying_ to get past it, I just. He’s my baby brother. My. He was.” His eyebrows pinch together and he chokes on the next part, twisting Eric’s insides up. “I miss him _so much_.”

And Eric has nothing to say, no words to fix or help or reassure, nothing at all, so instead he leans into Danny, puts his head on Danny’s shoulder and lets his own tears fall. Danny reaches down and grabs Eric’s hand in his and holds on tight, in a vice-like grip like when Eric was five and would have nightmares about the boogie man under his bed.

“I miss him, and I hate him,” Danny says after a long silence, voice low and shaky as he breathes through it. “What do you do with that?”

“I don’t know,” Eric answers, blinking and reaching up to wipe at his face. “But maybe it would help to talk to people that feel the same way.”

“Yeah,” Danny says, huffing a laugh. “May be right on that.”

“See,” Eric says, grinning. “I know stuff.”

Danny laughed again, this time stronger, and squeezed Eric’s hand one more time before letting go and pulling away to look at him. He bumped him with his knee. “So. Where did this guy come from, huh?”

Eric frowns. “What guy?”

Danny’s smile widens. “The guy that’s an actual grown ass man that knows when to kick my ass into talking. Last I checked you were a pipsqueak 16 year old.”

“Aw, come on, I’m 26!”

Danny laughs. “Going on 17, most of the time.”

“Nah,” Eric says, waving a hand but smiling. “Give me some credit at least, I at _least_ act like I’m 20.”

Danny laughs again and then stands, stretching and yawning. “I’m gonna try to get some shut eye,” he says, walking around behind the couch. “You should too.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going,” Eric says, scrubbing at his eyes.

He feels hands on his shoulders and a kiss to the top of his head and grins. Danny hasn’t done that since he was a kid, probably not since he was ten. “Love you, E-Train.”

“You know, he gave me that nickname,” Eric says, looking up at Danny.

Danny grins and ruffles his hair. “I know.”

“Love you too,” Eric says as Danny trails back off down the hall to his bedroom with a backwards wave. He stays up a bit longer just in case. He doesn’t know if Danny sleeps at all the rest of the night, but there’s no more shouting so he’s calling it a win.


End file.
